Assertiveness
What are the common symptoms?
Assertiveness means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully, while ensuring you do not violate others’ rights. It involves confidence without aggression or passivity. If you struggle with assertiveness, common signs include difficulty saying no, avoiding conflict, or feeling unheard, which often indicates an imbalance in communication and personal boundaries.
- You think or act as if your needs do not matter at all.
- You do not voice your thoughts, feelings, and needs to others.
- You feel like your thoughts, feelings, and needs are not heard by others.
- You often allow yourself to be bullied by others.
- You often express your thoughts, needs, and feelings passive-aggressively.
- You notice feelings of anger and/or resentment in your relationships due to unmet needs.
Why do I feel like this?
Unclear Boundaries
Fear of Conflict or Rejection
Many people avoid assertiveness because they fear upsetting others or being rejected. This fear often stems from past experiences where speaking up led to negative outcomes. As a result, you might prioritise harmony over honesty, even at your own expense. Learning that respectful disagreement is healthy can reduce anxiety and strengthen mutual understanding.
Low Self-Confidence
Learned Behaviour
How does therapy help?
Therapy plays a vital role in developing assertiveness, which is the ability to express thoughts, feelings, and needs confidently while respecting others. Many people struggle with assertiveness due to fear of conflict, low self-esteem, or past experiences. Through therapy, individuals learn practical skills and strategies to communicate effectively without aggression or passivity. It helps identify underlying beliefs that hinder assertive behaviour and replaces them with healthier patterns. By practising these techniques in a safe environment, clients build confidence, improve relationships, and reduce stress. Ultimately, therapy empowers individuals to set boundaries and advocate for themselves in personal and professional settings.
Identifying Barriers
Therapy helps uncover psychological blocks like fear of rejection or guilt, enabling individuals to understand why they avoid assertiveness and begin addressing these limiting beliefs effectively.
Building Self-Esteem
Assertiveness grows from confidence. Therapy strengthens self-worth through positive reinforcement and cognitive restructuring, allowing individuals to feel deserving of respect and capable of expressing needs clearly.
Communication Skills Training
Therapists teach practical techniques such as “I” statements, active listening, and tone control, ensuring individuals communicate assertively without aggression or submissiveness in various interpersonal situations.
Role-Playing Scenarios
Practising assertive responses in therapy sessions through role-play builds confidence, reduces anxiety, and prepares individuals for real-life interactions where assertiveness is required.
Boundary Setting
Therapy emphasises healthy boundaries, teaching individuals to say “no” without guilt, prioritise personal needs, and maintain respectful relationships without compromising self-respect.
Managing Emotional Responses
Therapy equips individuals with strategies to regulate emotions like anger or fear, ensuring assertive communication remains calm, respectful, and effective even during challenging conversations.
Why is it hard for me to be assertive?
People often struggle with assertiveness due to a mix of personal history, cultural influences, and learned behaviours. Early experiences, such as family dynamics or schooling, can shape how individuals perceive self-expression and conflict.
These factors influence confidence and communication style. Someone raised in an environment that discouraged speaking up may find it difficult to assert needs without feeling guilty or anxious. Conversely, overly dominant settings can lead to fear of confrontation.
Ultimately, assertiveness requires balancing self-respect with respect for others. Developing this skill involves recognising personal patterns, challenging limiting beliefs, and practising clear, respectful communication. With time and effort, individuals can express themselves confidently while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Predominantly Inattentive Type
People often feel anxious about being assertive, fearing conflict or rejection. To maintain harmony, they may avoid challenging situations, sacrificing their own needs. This avoidance can lead to frustration and diminished self-esteem. Developing assertiveness skills helps express thoughts respectfully, fostering healthier relationships and reducing stress over time.
Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type
People often worry that being assertive could lead to negative outcomes such as anger, rejection, or invalidation from others. These fears may cause hesitation, even though assertiveness is a healthy way to express needs and boundaries respectfully, fostering clearer communication and stronger relationships when practised thoughtfully.
Combined Type
Sometimes individuals hesitate to prioritise their own needs, fearing they might upset or inconvenience others. This guilt often stems from a desire to maintain harmony, but self-care is essential. Setting boundaries respectfully ensures well-being without diminishing empathy for others. Healthy communication fosters balance between personal needs and relationships.
What are the therapy options that Transformations Clinical Psychology can offer me?
Please contact us or follow this link if you would like to set up an assessment with a psychologist at Transformations Clinical Psychologist.
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FAQ
Q1. What happens in the first session? Do I need to prepare?
Your first appointment is 50–60 minutes. We’ll get to know you—what’s been hard, what you’d like to change, and what’s helped before. You’re welcome to bring notes or just come as you are; we’ll go at your pace. Please complete the online intake and consent forms beforehand. Sessions are available in person (Sydney) or via secure telehealth across Australia. We’ll finish with a clear plan and time for your questions. If you’re in immediate danger, call 000.
Q2. How do fees and Medicare/private insurance work? Do I need a GP referral?
You can book without a referral. If your GP provides a Mental Health Treatment Plan, you may be eligible for a Medicare rebate. We’ll check your eligibility and confirm your out-of-pocket cost before you commit. Private health (Extras) can’t be claimed with Medicare for the same session—please check your fund for coverage. If cost is a concern, let us know and we’ll talk through options.
Q3. Will my information be kept confidential?
Yes. Your sessions and records are kept private under strict legal and ethical standards. There are a few exceptions—if there’s a serious risk of harm, concerns about a child or vulnerable person, or a court order. If we ever need to share information, we’ll explain why, what will be shared, and involve you as much as possible.